A Gift

Kit asked me yesterday over lunch what I was most looking forward to. As you can see from my forced smile, I am ready to have my body back. But I had to stop and think for a while about what, in the midst of this swelling sense of excitement and expectation, I am most looking forward to.

It is opening the gift. I don’t just mean seeing what color her skin and hair are, or if her ear lobes will be attached like mine or not like Carlos’. I am most looking forward to accepting the gift of real growth and deeper faith. What will God reveal through us now that Carlos and I have no choice but to put our fears and feelings of self-importance aside? God’s gift to us is more than this life He has created and given us.
It is the calling to a task too big for us.

What lies ahead for Carlos and I as individuals and as a couple is overwhelming and daunting and out-and-out risky. Risk is not something I typically invite. I am a planner, an organizer, one who pursues stability over “it will all work out” any day. However, when I think about having this baby I feel almost eager to embrace the inevitability that I will be confused, sad, exhausted, panicky, and frustrated on Day 1, and I will have to more than ever develop an ability to trust in God.

I am most looking forward to God showing us that He is wholly adequate through this gift of challenge.