A Gift

Kit asked me yesterday over lunch what I was most looking forward to. As you can see from my forced smile, I am ready to have my body back. But I had to stop and think for a while about what, in the midst of this swelling sense of excitement and expectation, I am most looking forward to.

It is opening the gift. I don’t just mean seeing what color her skin and hair are, or if her ear lobes will be attached like mine or not like Carlos’. I am most looking forward to accepting the gift of real growth and deeper faith. What will God reveal through us now that Carlos and I have no choice but to put our fears and feelings of self-importance aside? God’s gift to us is more than this life He has created and given us.
It is the calling to a task too big for us.

What lies ahead for Carlos and I as individuals and as a couple is overwhelming and daunting and out-and-out risky. Risk is not something I typically invite. I am a planner, an organizer, one who pursues stability over “it will all work out” any day. However, when I think about having this baby I feel almost eager to embrace the inevitability that I will be confused, sad, exhausted, panicky, and frustrated on Day 1, and I will have to more than ever develop an ability to trust in God.

I am most looking forward to God showing us that He is wholly adequate through this gift of challenge.

Spring

We got goats! Seven goats arrived to eat our grass and though they entertain Diesel and the neighborhood kids, their only job is to get fat so we can sell them for meat.

Speaking of getting fat, I have gained 30 pounds so far. We are in week 34 and aside from the usual back ache and trouble getting comfortable sleeping, everything is good. I went to a "Baby Fair" last weekend and toured the Birthing Center at the local hospital where I plan to give birth. I've given my Birth Plan to my OB and talked with an anesthisiologist about my option for an epidural. I have also talked with my employer about time off in the Fall and secured a complimentary "commercial grade" breast pump from my insurance program. Though I can't shake the image of 10cm dialated the doctor's office has so conviniently posted, I feel ready!